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Your marriage is the most important relationship you have on this earth and with communication being such a huge part of what makes relationships work, well, we needed to discuss this. It’s easy as a working mom to not make time to connect with our husbands most likely from being too busy and having his presence taken for granted. In this episode, you’ll learn 3 ways on how you can become a better communicator with your spouse.
About Our Guest
Mary Whitman Ortiz, author of “Why Can’t I Talk to Him/Her about Sex?” loves to inspire her audiences to create a true connection in their marriage. She is a certified life coach and trained facilitator with Prepare-Enrich, Adventures in Marriage, and Marriage Mentors. She’s worked with women recovering from sexual intimacy issues such as human trafficking, sexual abuse, abortion, spousal pornography usage, and distorted cultural messages. For over 20 years she’s facilitated self-awareness and relationship development for corporate, church, and community groups. Mary draws from her B.S. and M.A. in Gifted Education to create interactive and presentations with impact. She founded Limitless Intimacy, a movement to support a healthy and Godly view of love, sex, and intimacy.
Action items from the show
Use this Communication Tool as follows:
1. Agree upon a mutually convenient time and location to share.
2. Pick a setting free from distractions.
3. Express ideas in a neutral tone (ex. not while irritated or angry).
4. Let one person do all the speaking, while the other listens only.
5. Switch roles and let the other person do all the speaking.
6. Answer questions or follow-up on issues AFTER completed.
7. Use DTR to gain understanding and build connection.
“I like how you are helping me more with the dishes.”
“I have a meeting this week with a new client.”
“I’m puzzled why the toothpaste cap is rarely on the tube.”
Concerns with request for change
“I’ve noticed that you interrupt me when I’m talking and I’d rather you wait until I’m done.”
“I’m sorry that I pressured you about buying another house.”
Wishes, Hopes and Dreams
“I have always wanted to go to Europe and visit a real castle.”
“Would you pray with me about this issue I have going on at work?”
Tips shared on the show
How to Improve communication in your marriage
1. Know what you want to talk about.
Separate the issues from the hurt and confusion
Focus on your role in the situation
Release offenses, disappointment, grief
(Be responsible for you. Step into your God-given confidence. Reframe your identity by His word.)
2. Create the best setting possible.
Find (ask for) a time that is mutually agreed upon
Choose the least amount of distractions
Enter the conversation with peaceful outlook
(When God is your ultimate source, the goal of every interaction is to increase understanding.)
3. Practice a daily/weekly check-in.
Understand different levels of communication (facts, opinions, needs, dreams)
Access vulnerability for deepest connection
Share praise, requests for change, apologies, prayer
(You are either growing closeness or distance with every step you take.)
Learn More About Our Guest
Social Media Links
Couples’ Communication Kit: bit.ly/2KwnKMa