Episode 237: Dealing with Stress in Relationships with Dr. Mariam Coaster

Episode 237: Dealing with Stress in Relationships with Dr. Mariam Coaster

Ok, being in quarantine with our loved ones can be a blessing.  But given the stress we are under with COVID-19 and limitations on activities, it can create tension in any relationship.  Especially as a working mom that is trying to work from home, manage distance learning, and more.  In the second part of this series with Dr. Mariam Coaster, we are looking at stress and relationships and what you can do to ensure that your relationships stay strong.

Last week, we experienced part one: Dealing with the Stress In Us.  I highly encourage you to listen to it if you have not already.  

About Our Guest

Dr. Mariam Coaster is amazing. She is a wife to a wonderful husband, and mother to two beautiful children, a two-year-old boy, and a 3-month-old girl. Professionally, she has a doctorate in neuroscience and is a licensed marriage and family therapist. She primarily works with couples and women at her private practice in Franklin, TN. She is passionate about helping people grow towards healing and restoration in their closest relationships. She is also the co-founder of InRelationship, and a marriage workshop called 7 Conversations to Enrich your Marriage. In her free time, she enjoys spending time with her family, cooking up a new-found recipe, and being actively involved in her church.

Action Items and Tips From the Show

Working through stressors in relationships We navigate stress in relationships through ownership and re-connection. This results in greater emotional health, holiness, and healing in relationships.

Own your part: taking ownership for your part in the stress by spending time in self-reflection and prayer

1) Choosing to step away from the distressing relationship to gather yourself.

2) During self-reflection, pray for humility, wisdom, and connection with God and yourself.

3) Use the stress indicators (feelings, thoughts and body sensations) to slow down and access heart issues:

a. What is really bothering me about this relationship?

b. What am I choosing to rely on or hope in more than God? What heart issues or ruling desires can I let go of?

c. How can the Gospel reorient my perspective to accept Christ’s perfect, sufficient grace, and therefore extend mercy, grace, and love in the relationship?

ACTION ITEMS

Initiate Re-connection

1) Pray for wisdom on how to approach the relationship – ask for an opportune time to share your heart.

2) Share how your stress indicators (feelings, thoughts, and body sensations) showed up for you in the relationship.

3) Share heart issues or desires that became inordinately important during the stress. Share about your own repentance and how God gave you perspective in the situation.

4) Ask for what you may need to restore a connection with that person, and talk about how to work through such a stressor together in the future.

Weekly Success Planning Course

Get the course inside the free Your Life Rocks app available in your app store.  Learn all about this critical system to help you create balance, plus begin planning for your success with our weekly planning tool inside the app!

 Click here to download in iTunes       Click here to download on Android

Have you subscribed to the show yet?  Don't miss a single upcoming episode because when you subscribe, you will automatically get it the show in your app.  If you don't have a podcast app, not to worry.  You can download the Your Life Rocks app and get the shows right in the palm of your hand.  Otherwise, click here to subscribe on iTunes or here for Android.

Love the show?  It would mean the world if you would leave a rating and review.  It helps other working Christian moms find the show because if you like the show enough to leave a review, iTunes will suggest it to others.  Click here to leave a review in iTunes.  Just click on "Ratings and Reviews", then "Write a Review".

 

Learn More About Our Guest

Mariam Coaster
Occupation:
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
Email:
mariam@mariamcoaster.com
Website
inrelationship.usmariamcoaster.com

Episode 221:  A Different Way Of Setting Goals

Episode 221: A Different Way Of Setting Goals

Last week we wrapped up our series that lead us to Christmas called walking with Jesus.  I loved hearing from other working moms about their faith and all that Jesus as done in their lives.  

Next week we are starting a new series diving deep into some areas of life that you might have the most pressing goals to achieve for the new year.  I didn’t say new year resolution, but it might be that for you, or just some intentions for the new year, goals for your life or really whatever you want to call it, it doesn’t matter.  But if you are looking for improvement in your health, finances, home or other area of your life, you want to make sure you hit subscribe if you haven’t already so you don’t miss any of the great experts we have lined up.

So, with last week ending a series and next week starting a series, we are in a week of transition.  And really that is what this week has been all about….meaning the week between Christmas and New years.  It is my favorite week of the year because it is quiet, there isn’t that much going on and I can just breath, think, and be.

Every year I use this week to reflect on areas of my life, give gratitude, dream a little and just talk to God about bigger things than I normally get to on a daily bais.  I go through a process that allows me better insight to setting goals and getting ready to accomplish them.  

It is this exact system that I have been teaching to our Life Balance members this week.  If you are not a life Balance member, you can still join us! The great thing is that we are walking through a pre-recorded course that you can start really at anytime.  It’s a 7-day new program that has been added to the membership and it will help you get clear on your goals in a whole new way.  

In this episode, I wanted to share with you one of the priciples that we teach in this progam.  It’s a different way of setting goals than most people do.

Often when we set goals, they are out of pain of some kind.  For example, maybe you want to lose weight because you are not comfortalbe in your clothes, someone has said something to you or you experienced something that was hurtful.  Maybe you had a doctor appointment and the results were scary and it has caused you to look differently at your health. Maybe you are setting goals around your finances because you are tired of working hard and not getting ahead.  Your tired and want to afford a vacation or you are feeling the pinch of debt.

When we feel this pain or discomfort, it moves us to make a change.  When we decide to make a change, we start looking for the solution or a recipe to follow.  This is where things get complicated. Do you know how many diet plans are out there that you could follow?  I don’t either because there are new ones popping up all the time. I always say the best health program out there is the one that you will stick to.  And that is just for health, the same can be said for any area of life that you want to improve.  

Now, there is nothing wrong with seeking outside information, learning, or finding someone that can help you.  But often times we miss a huge step in the process. We forget that if we really want to change, it takes power…willpower.  And guess what? We are not nearly as powerful as our maker is. How much easier would it be to reach your goals if the Spirit of God was working in your favor to help you get there?

Seeking God in our goal setting process is critical for success in achieving it, but more than that, when we are on board with God’s will for any situation, the peace and grace is unmeasurable.

Bringing our desires to God is the first step.  Letting his grace extend past what we are capable of will help us get to where we want to go.  The other awesome things about journeying toward where you want to go with God, is that his grace overflows to other areas of your life.

That is the second point to what we are doing in Life Balance, we are looking at all areas of life, not just the one that is causing pain.  Do you know why it is causing pain? Becuase it has been neglected. When we set a goal based on our pain points alone, we tend to shift the focus to the one area of life and that can set us off balance and strart to neglect other areas of our life….you guessed it…they will be come future pain points.  It starts to create a cycle. 

Think about it as if you were spinning plates on poles like they do in the circus.  When you go the method of focusing on the one area that needed the most, you are not paying attention to the other plates spinning until they are just about ready to crash.  Then you have to rush to rescue the other areas before they come crashing to the ground.

Instead, if you have a system to keep the plates all going, and you are able to calmly check in on each one, give it a little of what it needs to keep going, it becomes much more managable.  And when life happens and the unexpected happens, if you followed the first step, you have the Holy Spirit by your side to help you.

That is exactly what we are doing inside Life Balance Membership.  Teaching you the system to do just that. That is what has always been in the membership.  The new course that we are going through right now, is really helping you first look to God for a vision for the year and then assessing each area of your life to get a direction toward what is needed to keep that area healthy.  Once we go through each area, then it’s all about taking that direction you have discoved and bringing it back to God. This prepares you to be able to live it out with the Life Balance System.

 

 

This is the kind of exercise that we are doing for each area of life.  It’s real. It’s not sexy. But it give you a clear vision of where you are and what you need to be focused on.  

Now we we are setting goals in Life Balance, it’s not to solve all the things.  It is about making progress in 90-days. That is the goal.  

I have said this before, but in case you have not heard me say it or you just need a reminder:

You can set goals in all areas of your life….and you should.  Goals are different than a life change. Want to lose 50 lbs? That is a life change not a goal.  Looking for a new career? That’s a life change. Having a baby? That is a life change. While you can have multiple goals, I don’t recommend multiple life changes.  You will go into survive mode and it’s not only difficult, it will painful.

Your life change might be to lose 50lbs but your 90-day health goal might be to focus on your water everyday, sticking to your eating plan, or adding in physical activity.  

I hope these tips help you as you start to look toward the new year.  Let me recap what we talked about.

  1.  Look to God and his strength before you start after your goals in your own.
  2. Look to set goals in all areas of your life, not just one.
  3. A life change is different than a goal.  Don’t do more than one life change at a time.

Like I said at the begininning of this episdoe, it’s not too late to join us inside of Life Balance Membership and go through this 7-day process for yourself.  You can upgrade right inside the app or by going to Life Balance Membership.com

 

Next week we are back and starting our new series!  If you are new to the show, our new series is reflective of what we are all about.  I’ll be brining you expert guests in each of the 8 areas of life to help inspire you to be the best version of yourself in each area.  Be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss it!

 

Until next week, keep building a life that rocks

 

Find Balance This Year...Join Life Balance Membership

Save 20% on Life Balance Planner as a member

Have you subscribed to the show yet?  Don't miss a single upcoming episode because when you subscribe, you will automatically get it the show in your app.  If you don't have a podcast app, not to worry.  You can download the Your Life Rocks app and get the shows right in the palm of your hand.  Otherwise, click here to subscribe on iTunes or here for Android.

Love the show?  It would mean the world if you would leave a rating and review.  It helps other working Christian moms find the show because if you like the show enough to leave a review, iTunes will suggest it to others.  Click here to leave a review in iTunes.  Just click on "Ratings and Reviews", then "Write a Review".

 

Episode 212: Getting Back on Track When You Feel Unbalanced

Episode 212: Getting Back on Track When You Feel Unbalanced

Last week we talked about recovering from burn out and how to fill up your bucket.  If you didn’t listen to that episode, I hope you go back and listen because it is tied to this week’s show.  If you did listen, you might remember at the begining of the show I said that if you are feeling out of balance, guilt is creeping in, and overwhelm and stress is starting to take over, there are likely two reasons why.

  1. You are out of balance in an area of your life
  2. Or your bucket is empty.

Since we covered the second reason last week, I thought it would be good to cover the first reason this week.  I mean why only cover half of what you need?

Here’s the thing, sometimes we get to the place of the crazies because life is crazy and something comes along and takes us out of the game.  It could be getting sick, hurt, or something happening to a loved one, an unexpected change in your job or relationship with someone. But sometimes it’s because we are living in an unbalanced way.

Both can be really hard on us, but if it’s the unbalanced stuff?  That can be easier to come back from.  

Let’s first talk about balance.  I know, so many people say that it’s not possible but I say it is…you just have to define it for yourself.

Here is what works for me.  Balance is not a place to arrive to.  It’s not an accomplishment. It is a verb.  It’s an action that we choose to take each day in our lives to be the best version of ourselves in all that God has called us to be.  

I can get out of balance when I choose not to do what is necessary to be the best version of myself.  Sometimes it’s because I get lazy, or I get excited about a work project or something else that causes me to neglect the other things I know I should be doing.  And you know what? It’s ok. As long as you can bring yourself back.

Think of it as if you were balancinging on a curb.  If you lean one way, you are ok as long as you lean back the other way.  If you don’t, you fall. If you fall, you are no longer balancing.

So how do you know when life is getting a bit unbalanced?  Let me tell you a secret. Your calendar won’t cue you into this.  Balance has nothing to do with your time and where it is spent. I can feel balance in my finances by only spending 3 hours a month in that area of my life.  

You will know you are out of balance by the little things that stress you out.  The undone things in your life. The feelings of guilt.

Yep, feelings of guilt can be healthy.  I know as a mom we are told to avoid mom guilt.  No one likes to feel unpleasant feelings. But they are there for a reason.  Listen to them and take action. These feelings of guilt can get unhealthy when we push them down and put our head in the sand.  But if we ask ourselves, why we are feeling that way and make a plan to course correct, then gult can be a powerful tool to help you stay on  the intentional track that you want to be on.

So, if you have been experiencing any of these things, the steps I have for you to reclaim balance for yourself will help.

  • Feeling guility about things you are not doing
  • Super stressed about money, or things that need to be done at home
  • Gaining weight
  • Feeling out of touch with your husband, or other relationship
  • Felling disconnected with God

Any of these ringing true for you?

Now before we get into what to do about it.  I want to first say, that there is no shame. No one is every going to feel 100% balanced and good with every area of life all the time.  If you can realate to the feelings above all it means is that you are normal. You are not doing anything wrong. It is just life this side of heaven.  In fact, if you are feeling any of these things….count it as a blessing. Thank God that he has put a warning system inside us called emotions. They help us from driving completely off the rails.  

Ok, enough with that.  Let’s get into what to do about it.

Simply put, lean into it.  If you feel like you are not being a good mom, ask yourself….what does me look like as a good mom?  Notice the question is what does it look like when you are a good mom….not what your neighbor or the other girl in your kids class’s mom is doing that you are not.  We are all different. We do things different. Let’s not compare ourselves to eachother, let’s just get to know ourselves. What does it look like when you are your best at being a mom?  What does it look like when you need to step up your game?

When you define what better would be in any area that you feel is lacking….do it.

Not sure what area is lacking but you just know you are feeling out of wack?  Pull out your journal…let’s go through each area of life. Faith, marriage, parenting, career, home, health, finances, friendships/fun.

Journal out what the best version of you does in each of these areas.  This is what the Life Balance course is all about. Helping you identify these things and more importantly, make a plan to get there.

But here is the thing.  You have to make the effort to do it.  Otherwise you are not listening to the warning signs and trust me.  I have been there and you don’t want to see where that leads. It’s not pretty.

If you are finding yourself needed to recalibrate your balance, now is great time to do it.  The holidays are fast appraoching and can magnify anything that is not getting the attention that it needs in your life.  So take the 15 minutes or so and go through this exercise now and start making a plan to bring things back into balance now. 

Join Life Balance Membership

Ready to create balance in your life?  Life Balance membership contains the courses to help you build the systems of balance for working Christian moms.  Plus, you’ll have access to our Bible study, Setting Goals in God’s Will, planning tools to help you apply everything that you are learning, podcast bonus material, monthly group coaching, community support and more!  Start your free 7-day trial and get access to everything through the Your Life Rocks app or from your computer.

Have you subscribed to the show yet?  Don't miss a single upcoming episode because when you subscribe, you will automatically get it the show in your app.  If you don't have a podcast app, not to worry.  You can download the Your Life Rocks app and get the shows right in the palm of your hand.  Otherwise, click here to subscribe on iTunes or here for Android.

Love the show?  It would mean the world if you would leave a rating and review.  It helps other working Christian moms find the show because if you like the show enough to leave a review, iTunes will suggest it to others.  Click here to leave a review in iTunes.  Just click on "Ratings and Reviews", then "Write a Review".

 

Episode 205: Protecting Your Marriage Part Two with Kimberly Walton

Episode 205: Protecting Your Marriage Part Two with Kimberly Walton

Last week we started this two-part series featuring marriage expert Kimberly Walton from Cherished wives but talking about the outer defenses that we can use to protect our marriage.  In this episode, we go toward the inner defenses.  These action items will surely help you align your choices, and actions toward proactively building a stronger marriage.

About Our Guest

Kimberly Walton is a marriage mentor, speaker, writer, and women’s retreat leader who specializes in working with Christian women to create and nurture wildly successful marriages.

She is the founder of Cherished Wives International, a coaching practice dedicated to strengthening marriages and increasing intimacy and connection through her unique INLOVE approach. The INLOVE program addresses the 6 principles that are part of successful marriage by focusing on the whole person and taking a wholehearted approach.

Kimberly comes from a place of personal experience and draws on her formal and informal education to mentor on the “how-to’s” for developing greater intimacy, increasing passion, embracing vulnerability, and strengthening relationships.

Kimberly believes in a solution focused approach to strong marriages and blends in humor, tenderness, scripture and even a touch of call-you-on-your-stuff when working with her clients whether it be in a one to one setting or a large group.

Kimberly is married to the love of her life and lives in California.

Action Items and Tips From the Show

In this episode, Kimberly gives us the visual of protecting our marriage with the castle approach.  Think about all the protection that a castle has.  In the final segment of this series, we are focused on the inner personal defenses and the ways you can be proactive about protecting your marriage.

Join Life Balance Membership

Ready to create balance in your life?  Life Balance membership contains the courses to help you build the systems of balance for working Christian moms.  Plus, you’ll have access to our Bible study, Setting Goals in God’s Will, planning tools to help you apply everything that you are learning, podcast bonus material, monthly group coaching, community support and more!  Start your free 7-day trial and get access to everything through the Your Life Rocks app or from your computer.

Have you subscribed to the show yet?  Don't miss a single upcoming episode because when you subscribe, you will automatically get it the show in your app.  If you don't have a podcast app, not to worry.  You can download the Your Life Rocks app and get the shows right in the palm of your hand.  Otherwise, click here to subscribe on iTunes or here for Android.

Love the show?  It would mean the world if you would leave a rating and review.  It helps other working Christian moms find the show because if you like the show enough to leave a review, iTunes will suggest it to others.  Click here to leave a review in iTunes.  Just click on "Ratings and Reviews", then "Write a Review".

 

Episode 204: Protecting Your Marriage with Kimberly Walton Part One

Episode 204: Protecting Your Marriage with Kimberly Walton Part One

It’s back to school time which easily translates into back to busy time. When our focus shifts towards the kids, 4th quarter at work, and new routines, we can lose sight of our marriage. Since this podcast is all about helping keep you in balance, I thought it would be best to bring back our go to marriage expert, Kimberly Walton from Cherished Wives.com. This is a two-part series teaching us the ways that we can be proactive and protect our marriage. Today, you’ll be getting part one and I know it will bless you! This interview was originally aired two years ago, but even if you listened then, you’ll get value out of it now. I know we did!

About Our Guest

Kimberly Walton is a marriage mentor, speaker, writer, and women’s retreat leader who specializes in working with Christian women to create and nurture wildly successful marriages.

She is the founder of Cherished Wives International, a coaching practice dedicated to strengthening marriages and increasing intimacy and connection through her unique INLOVE approach. The INLOVE program addresses the 6 principles that are part of successful marriage by focusing on the whole person and taking a wholehearted approach.

Kimberly comes from a place of personal experience and draws on her formal and informal education to mentor on the “how-to’s” for developing greater intimacy, increasing passion, embracing vulnerability, and strengthening relationships.

Kimberly believes in a solution focused approach to strong marriages and blends in humor, tenderness, scripture and even a touch of call-you-on-your-stuff when working with her clients whether it be in a one to one setting or a large group.

Kimberly is married to the love of her life and lives in California.

Action Items and Tips From the Show

In this episode, Kimberly gives us the visual of protecting our marriage with the castle approach.  Think about all the protection that a castle has.  In part one of this two part series, we are focused on the outer defenses and the ways you can be proactive about protecting your marriage.

Join Life Balance Membership

Ready to create balance in your life?  Life Balance membership contains the courses to help you build the systems of balance for working Christian moms.  Plus, you’ll have access to our Bible study, Setting Goals in God’s Will, planning tools to help you apply everything that you are learning, podcast bonus material, monthly group coaching, community support and more!  Start your free 7-day trial and get access to everything through the Your Life Rocks app or from your computer.

Have you subscribed to the show yet?  Don't miss a single upcoming episode because when you subscribe, you will automatically get it the show in your app.  If you don't have a podcast app, not to worry.  You can download the Your Life Rocks app and get the shows right in the palm of your hand.  Otherwise, click here to subscribe on iTunes or here for Android.

Love the show?  It would mean the world if you would leave a rating and review.  It helps other working Christian moms find the show because if you like the show enough to leave a review, iTunes will suggest it to others.  Click here to leave a review in iTunes.  Just click on "Ratings and Reviews", then "Write a Review".

 

Episode 193: Renewing Promises for a Wildly Successful Marriage with Kimberly Walton

Episode 193: Renewing Promises for a Wildly Successful Marriage with Kimberly Walton

Summer is a time for love and weddings.  Do you remember your wedding vows?  You know, the things that you promised to your husband?  They mean so much!  Regardless of how long it’s been, anytime is a good time to recommit to the promises and intent you want to build a strong marriage.  Kimberly Walton from Cherished Wives, walks us through 4 vows or promises we can make for a wildly successful marriage.  Who doesn’t want that?

About Our Guest

Kimberly Walton is a marriage mentor, speaker, writer, and women’s retreat leader who specializes in working with Christian women to create and nurture wildly successful marriages.

She is the founder of Cherished Wives International, a coaching practice dedicated to strengthening marriages and increasing intimacy and connection through her unique INLOVE approach. The INLOVE program addresses the 6 principles that are part of a successful marriage by focusing on the whole person and taking a wholehearted approach.

Kimberly comes from a place of personal experience and draws on her formal and informal education to mentor on the “how-to’s” for developing greater intimacy, increasing passion, embracing vulnerability, and strengthening relationships.

Kimberly believes in a solution-focused approach to strong marriages and blends in humor, tenderness, scripture and even a touch of call-you-on-your-stuff when working with her clients whether it be in a one to one setting or a large group.

Action Items and Tips From the Show

Key topics on the budget breakdown:

  1. Promise to put the Marriage first
    • Are there things that are causing you to neglect your marriage?  How can you proactively set yourself up to allow nothing to get in the way?
  2. Promise to forgive regularly and often
    • Imagine your spouse on a stage as a child wearing a tee-shirt with the issue you have with them written on it.  It’s easier to have empathy and forgive them.  Then imagine a little older and forgive and repeat until they get to their current age.
  3. Vow to make yourself responsible for your own happiness or unhappiness
    • How do you communicate your needs?
  4. Vow to understand there are no egalitarian marriages and understand each of you will be the strong one at different times.
    • How do you respond to your spouse when they are in the valley?

Join Life Balance Membership

Ready to create balance in your life?  Life Balance membership contains the courses to help you build the systems of balance for working Christian moms.  Plus, you’ll have access to our Bible study, Setting Goals in God’s Will, planning tools to help you apply everything that you are learning, podcast bonus material, monthly group coaching, community support and more!  Start your free 7-day trial and get access to everything through the Your Life Rocks app or from your computer.

Have you subscribed to the show yet?  Don't miss a single upcoming episode because when you subscribe, you will automatically get it the show in your app.  If you don't have a podcast app, not to worry.  You can download the Your Life Rocks app and get the shows right in the palm of your hand.  Otherwise, click here to subscribe on iTunes or here for Android.

Love the show?  It would mean the world if you would leave a rating and review.  It helps other working Christian moms find the show because if you like the show enough to leave a review, iTunes will suggest it to others.  Click here to leave a review in iTunes.  Just click on "Ratings and Reviews", then "Write a Review".

 

Resources Mentioned in the Show:

Get Kimberly’s free eBook: 101 Things That Wildly Successful Couples, Think, Know, Do, Say and Practice.

(Go here, then scroll down to get it)

Learn More About Our Guest